Mrs. Jones On Idol, American Idol Season 7, American Idol Magazine, 2008 Contestants, News, Forum, Wednesday Morning Quarterback

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SHOOT ME!

AFTER YOU SHOOT THE SHERIFF!!!

THE DEPUTY WILL SHOOT THE BOY WONDER

AIM FOR THE TRIANGLE AND SHOOT IT TO THE CENTER OF HIS HEAD!!

THE DAWG WILL SHOOT THE BAND

SIMON THE GREAT WILL SHOOT THE DAWG

SIMON THE GREAT WILL ALSO SHOOT THE DIVA

THE DIVA WILL SHOOT HERSELF IN THE FOOT

SIMON THE GREAT WILL SHOOT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD

THE FANS WILL FINALLY SHOOT YOU!

AND WE’LL ALL BE OUT OF OUR MISERY

AND LIFE WILL BE GOOD!

DONE!!

How’s that?

That’ll work!

We’re finally there, people. We’re at that ALL TIME low. I don’t care what you say, how you slice or how they deliver it. The ship is sinking if this is what our final weeks are now coming down to. Thank the high heavens we threw the Granola overboard last week, but we blew a hole in this boat when the Aussie walked the plank – that was the tip off. We had it last year with beat-boxing stupidity and now we’ve got it again. Here’s the best mail I’ve received all year. YES, it’s from a Day Dreamer who has FINALLY come to her senses. Read it and weep, girls. Even your own are jumping off the surf board!

“Okay, so I was wrong! If he doesn’t go tomorrow, by hallelujah,

I will!!”

You got that right, Sister!!

It’s on my homepage: “Could’ve” “Would’ve” “Should’ve” – THREE HUGE WORDS because after last night, all I could think about were those stadiums FILLED to capacity with talent. Screaming talent!! Talent that said, “I am a STAR – Pick Me!!” And look who we picked! LOOK!!!!!!!! WHAT A JOKE. And I don’t care what Triangle Boy spits out in the first minute-thirty, the ratings are dropping faster than a brick because the fans are throwing themselves overboard. The Pained Panel can stand on their heads and try to sell us the oceanfront property in Arizona, but America has had ENOUGH. This is NOT the best of the best of the best of the USA. IT IS NOT!

Here we go…

The Cook Monster steps up with………….Duran Duran’s, “Hungry Like the Wolf.”

I’m sure he sang this for personal reasons. I love him, I love him, I love him….BUT…I thought he was gonna rock this till the walls shook. He should’ve. He could’ve. But he didn’t. I definitely wanted to see him fly around the stage and rip up Duran so yeah….a little disappointing. But he’s still the ROCKSTAR because he still delivers and he never trips up - never. He’s gonna throw us solids right till the end. Like I said, it’s just a matter of taste and who rocks your world – The Arch or The Cook. Dawg? “Just okay for me.” Okay, we know…you’re under The Arch. Diva? She said something about a boy’s club…who cares. Simon the Great? “Copycat, but enough to get you to next week.” Exactly.

Syesha – Talk about BIG!!!!!!!!! WAY BIG!!!!!!!!!!!! Like Holy SH*T BIG!!! She’s brave taking on Tina’s, “Proud Mary!” JEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZ LOUISE!!!!!!!!!! But...good for you!! Sister, AMEN to the killer shoes, too – you made Mary Proud!!!!!!!!!!! Can’t pull off that number without kickin' spikes! Okay what was with the head flipping twist and shout…No rhythm at ALL! Oooooo…What happened there!?! A little painful to watch, actually. Dawg? “In the zone and showing the heat.” Diva? “You look like a star.” Diva, so do you tonight! Really, Mrs. Jones? Absolutely, Diva!! Loved the makeup, loved the wig! Really, Mrs. Jones!? Really, Diva! Simon the Great? “Bad shrieky version. Bad impersonation of Tina.” Okay STOP right there and get off your Throne for a second, Big Guy!!! Here it is a nutshell from a fan. I’m done screaming at you. Let someone else do it in this WMQ………

“YOU KNOW WHAT DRIVES ME OFF MY ROCKER????? How they constantly tell these contestants to TAKE RISKS…which Syesha did last night… and then rip them for not being as good as the original…UGH!! If they were Mariah, Whitney, or Tina they would not be on AI!!! They would already have contracts!!!”

Amen, Sister Maria!!!!!!!!!

The Arch – “Stand By Me.” Classic and………..he’s adorable and he’s loved by lots of little girls and lots of moms and lots of grandmas and so……….he stays. Nostrils flaring and all…he stays.

Cook – you’ve got some Kick A BOOTS, my man!! Did you check those out? They curl up and everything. Don’t ever get rid of those! LOVE THEM! Okay here’s what I didn’t love, “I don’t know what’s going down with you – you’re not the same” from the Dawg. Dawg, below the belt low blow. BELOW. Don’t throw that on the table. YOU know exactly what’s going down with Cook, we know, the world knows. Have you ANY idea how hard it is to get up on that stage and perform, without cracking, when a family tragedy hits home? Have you any compassion for what the Cook family is now faced with? Have you ANY idea, Dawg? So don’t pretend like, “Oh, what’s wrong with Cook?” That’s just a low-blow and something that is absolutely uncalled for. Cook delivered The Who – did I love it? No, I didn’t, but I bet America did. Top 2. Done.

Syesha – “A Change Is Gonna Come” - Beautiful gown, beautiful presentation, beautiful heartfelt personal message……..AND………….THE DAWG SMASHES IT TO PIECES. NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dawg, MAN, WHAT is going DOWN with YOU!?!? You SHOULD’VE just ejected yourself out of the game at that moment. You’ve got 2 major strikes at this point. Holy Crap! So guaranteed – the Dawg went home to his wife last night and said, “OMG, I’m SUCH an IDIOT!!” And she said, “YES YOU ARE!!” GUARANTEED!!!!!!!!!! His face said it all…no need to drive salt into that wound. “Fell flat.” Standing O and tears from the Diva and………..“I agree with Paula” from Simon the Great. And then there were Syesha’s tears – NICE!!!!!!!! Damn, Dawg! You’re in the house, but not the right one. They SHOULD’VE just thrown you into this house last night and locked you in there until Bo comes out tonight! DONE!

The Arch – “Love Me Tender” – Okay could those close ups have BEEN closer last night? He WOULD’VE been a great Eddie Muenster, right!?!? Am I wrong!?? Come on, how perfect would he have been!?!? Just picture The Arch sitting on those creepy stairs waiting for Spot to come out. CLASSIC!!! Okay…The Arch was solid - he just is whether he annoys you or not. Another good performance. He stays. Top 2. Done.